We continue to explore the three pillars that support you creating a life of meaning and purpose. The first pillar is strengthening your relationship with your own wisdom and guidance. The second is aligning yourself with the abundance of life.
Now, drum roll, we will examine how your relationship with others can help you attract, recognize and accept the support you need to create the life you want. Claire Zammit of Feminine Power™ says it all – You can’t become yourself by yourself.
Sometimes women have a way of disappearing, resulting in a sense of isolation. One way is to always focus on others and deflect any personal attention. Another way is to buy into the story that to receive support is weak, thus our work is to not ask for – or even look like we need – support. So, our focus is on ourselves appearing to be “all put together” and not needing a thing.
Have you ever been in a social situation and, when all is said and done, you know about everyone else, but they know nothing about you? Then you are disappearing by deflecting away from you. Or, in contrast, perhaps you have presented yourself in such a way that others perceive you a fortress of competence and strength, with no visible softer areas of vulnerability or need. How can they connect?
In either case, how in the world can life offer you the support you may need to move in the direction of what you want to create when you are not making yourself authentically present to receive it? What if you were so connected with, and truly loved, your inner wise woman that you could show up as yourself, both strong and vulnerable?
In what relationships can you do that? How can you expand the moments when you are that powerful and grounded?
Start by embracing the practice of putting your attention on both the other person AND you. Primarily the space between you. That space has been called a field, an energy, a connecting. What does that mean?
Here is an example. When I walked with my friend Les this morning, I practiced moving my focus back and forth between us as we talked.
As time passed, I began to notice the flow between us and the quality of it. Simply try that with a friend and see what happens regarding your authentic presence in the relationship. What you will find is the space/field/energy between you. Actually, this is what a relationship really is.
What does this have to do with asking for and receiving support, you might ask? If you are fully present in connection with others, you are both powerful and vulnerable. If there is flow between you, you may see where the other person is or could become an ally to help you move toward what you want in your life.
You may discover how you are their ally. If you are vulnerable, you are willing to ask for support and the other person is likely to see and perhaps offer the support you need.
In my conversation with Les, I needed confirmation support around a tough conversation I had earlier in the week. I received that support as part of the natural flow. Les is one of my trusted allies.
Just as when choosing who to share your most precious dreams with, choose wisely the people with whom you decide to become more visible and more vulnerable. This is changing your story about how you show up in your relationships. Being present to receive support is important because relationships are one important way that life offers you opportunity.
You might play with this – perhaps your partner, or a good friend. Just begin to expand yourself and your connections so opportunities can flow in and support you.
The great Persian poet Rumi wrote the perfect poem that touches on this space between you and the other. Below is the relevant excerpt. Notice how it also addresses that it is in this field that you ask for what you really want. Life gives you full permission to do this.
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing,
there is a field. I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase “each other”
doesn’t make any sense.
The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don’t go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don’t go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.”
Do you think you might be isolating yourself, blocking opportunities for support? How often do you think you are self-sustainable and don’t really need anybody else? Have you noticed a deeper connection with others? With whom is this strongest and why is this so? I am curious how you have or might expand receiving support from your relationships.